Are my issues worthy of therapy?

Something I have heard from family and friends is,  “This is normal life stuff, is it really worth going to therapy about?” 

Sometimes they ask, “Doesn’t everyone go through times like these… don’t we kind of just have to suffer through it?”

Or sometimes they might say, “Other people’s problems are bigger than mine… it feels weird to take up a therapy appointment for this seemingly small thing.” 

And I get it, therapy is generally a significant investment of your time, energy, and financial resources. It is perfectly natural to struggle with the decision whether or not our problems are worth talking about in the counselling space. 

While many of us do have supportive friends and family we can go to when life gets rough, this isn’t true for everyone. And speaking to a friend or family member isn’t always the most emotionally safe, for you, or for them. Sometimes what you have to share is a really unique experience your friend hasn’t gone through and doesn’t have much insight on, and at other times it might be intensely similar to something your friend has struggled to overcome and doesn’t want to revisit.

Sometimes it IS just normal life stuff, and we do have to just ‘get through it’. But, this doesn’t mean we have to go through it alone, and it doesn’t mean that we should. Much of the harm we endure in our lives is relational, and there is lots of evidence to suggest that healing happens in relationships as well. 

We are designed as relational creatures, and we are supposed to depend on others in times of need. Sharing what you are going through with someone else can significantly reduce the aloneness you might be experiencing, and may help to normalize your experience. Counselling may also offer you a fresh perspective that you didn’t already see, or one outside the perspectives that have been offered by family and friends. Counselling can also be a really safe place to practice asking for, and receiving help, from others. 

Counsellors are generally held to a very high ethical standard with respect to confidentiality, which means that what you talk about in the counselling room will be kept exclusively between you and your counsellor. There is a very small list of exceptions to this, which your counsellor will go over with you in the informed consent process.  

In my experience, it can be so relieving to share things with someone who is listening in a non-judgmental way, who doesn’t have any prior connections to your inner circle, and who isn’t going to continue to tell the story after you leave. Think of this as a safe container for your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Now with respect to the last point above, “Other people’s problems are bigger than mine…” I’d probably ask the question; how do you know? And, does your body care? When our bodies are bothered about something, our bodies generally don’t have any way of knowing that the problem you are experiencing is seemingly smaller than Suzie’s problem down the road. Our bodies and emotions often have important information to share about what has happened, why it is upsetting for us, and what we should do about it. Often we have trained ourselves out of listening to our body’s intuition, but there is much that we might benefit from paying attention to. A skilled counsellor will hopefully help you settle into what you are experiencing, so that you can see what it is that you want or need more of at this time.

The last thing I want to say with respect to whether or not your problems are worthy of taking to therapy is - YOU are ALWAYS worthy of a safe space. YOU are always worthy of another supportive relationship in your life. YOU matter. And it is okay for YOU to show up in the counselling space even if you have no idea why you are there, what exactly you are going to talk about, or what you are searching for. When you feel safe and supported, there is a ripple effect that goes out into the world; into your inner circle, and our world at large too! 

Not that you need my permission in any way. But, in case you did… there it is above. 

Take good care, and I hope to see some of you in the counselling space soon. 

Lara